For a long time I have tried to classify the people of this world into two audaciously simple strata.  Sometimes the people are split evenly like in the case of the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’.  Other times, one group could swallow the other whole; an example of this might be ‘those I hate’ and ‘those I don’t hate’ (Shockingly, I hate almost everyone – you’re probably included).

But I think I have found a new line to draw.  This line will truthfully show me all I need to know about people.  I will flag everyone with the title ‘lies and knows’ or ‘lies and knows not’.  My thoughts on each follow…

Someone who lies and knows can be likened to a politician, an airport security officer (it is by chance that the Arab men are the only ones strip-searched) and, most importantly, me.  We are the majority, but only slightly.  I like to think we are the smarter clan.  We will feign ignorance to the fact that the vehicles in Iraq are inexcusably under-protected.  We will spend hours polishing our army boots which we insist on wearing inside the airport while an incalculable number of weapons are smuggled on board.  We will even be so sly as to lie to our mothers and tell them that we have eaten all our vegetables when, in fact, we have fed all the broccoli to Bruno under the table.

 

I willingly grouped myself with this douche?

 

 

With all those unsightly lies, one would be hard pressed to find something positive to say about us.  Unless, of course, that one could spin like a dreidel.  You see, there is much that comes from these liars that is useful.  These are the people who are able to play the system with this set of lying skills and make great gains.  These people are Joan Rivers, Simon Cowell, Dick Cheney, Michael Jackson and Patrick St. Pierre (Why am I doing this to myself?).  Popular names.  Household names.

The other type of liar is one that is a world away from the likes of douche bag cops and snarky teenage bloggers.  These liars have no idea that they are lying.  They lie because they do not know.  This is weak sauce.  This is Nana-tried-to-make-a-spicy-salsa weak sauce.  These people include Paula Abdul, George W. Bush (I’ll expand upon this in a moment), and most of the girls I have had romantic affiliations with.

Now, you may have noticed that the duo that dominated world politics for the last eight years are different kinds of liars (according to this highly reputable stratification).  This is not to say they did not work well together, it just means each brought a different “something” to the table.  Cheney brought the Machiavellian ruling style – all lies, no blinking – whereas Bush brought his wide-eyed innocence and periodic smirks and casual shrugs when he could not answer a question.  Cheney could lie because he knew the truth.  Bush could lie because he couldn’t spell truth.  But that’s enough of that.

 

I think this says everything I couldn't say.

Essentially, my point is this; you will never meet someone who has not lied.  Therefore, you will only ever know liars – yes, some lie more than others but that’s splitting hairs.  Knowing now that everyone knows you’re a liar and also knowing that everyone refers to my definitions of liars, would you like to be someone who lies and knows or someone who lies because he does not know?