It is beginning to look like legendary NFL quarterback Brett Favre will continue to complete impossible game-ending passes long after he is granted membership to the AARP. Indeed, the man will most likely dart around the field for decades to come, pulling his oxygen tank with him all the while.
I can offer you no explanation for Favre’s fabled career, which is longer by a few months than my life, but I can speculate. Oh, I can speculate. I present to you my three most impressive and unreasonable explanations for Favre’s continued success.
- First, I posit that Favre is, like South African sprinter Caster Semenya, lying about his gender. Now I know many of you “doctors” out there will argue that being female would actually prove to be disadvantageous; a woman would not be physically able to compete with highly athletic, three-hundred pound men. However, the emotional sensitivity and competitive compassion that comes with the second x-chromosome is what allows Brett to heave the pigskin for more than 300 yards in a game.
- Second, I have gleaned all the facts and I have found that Brett, along with the Minnesota Vikings, cut into the live broadcasts of NFL games and splice pre-recorded computer-generated images of completed passes and touchdown runs by “All-Day” Adrian Peterson. Hey, it worked for the Chinese at the Olympic ceremony; it can work for the Vikings. Also, this would explain the 49ers inability to accept the defeat.
- I really don’t have a third explanation. Brett is probably just cheating. Flat, unimaginative, dirty cheating.
Her gender ambiguity was a no-brainer. Come on, she has semen in her name.
Perhaps the real reason for Favre’s greatness this late in his career is simply because it is this late in his career. Many professional football players have experienced constant and sometimes even heightened success late in their careers. Kurt Warner led his Arizona Cardinals to the Super Bowl last year at the ripe age of 38, 15 years into his illustrious career. Michael Strahan experienced one of his best years ever, winning the Super Bowl in 2007, his last year as a New York Giant.
So rock on, Brett. Rock on well into your 70s.
